Sometimes lies are meant to help us deflect. Other times, they are simply excuses. Maybe excuses because we don’t want to accept responsibility, or we are unwilling to make the necessary steps to change our behaviors.
As women, we are often pitted against each other and forced to compare ourselves to others. People tend to share their highlight reel on social media, not the tough times or the real moments that we might experience in our day-to-day lives. Unfortunately, this can significantly impact the way we view ourselves.
I think we have become so numb to our own thoughts and affirmations that we don’t realize the excuses and justifications we make regarding day to day tasks and experiences.
So, here are the lies that I believe we tell ourselves way too often.
I’m not meant to lose weight
For me, this one is just too real. It’s no secret that eating well and exercising will result in a healthier lifestyle, including weightloss. It’s also no secret that everyone knows this. So why do we tell ourselves that it’s more complicated than that?
Because it’s hard to lose weight! Of course we feel better when we take better care of ourselves and eat a balanced diet, but that doesn’t mean we actually want to eat better (at least not all the time). Finding the right support and accountability can also help you to shift your mindset in the right direction. People respond better when we have others in our corner cheering us on. But it definitely takes more than others simply believing in us; we must believe in ourselves too.
Quit sabotaging yourself with those limiting beliefs that you cannot do it, when in fact, you can! I remember growing up, always watching the women in my life try new fad diets and complaining about their physical appearance. I even remember my Mom telling me that ‘some people are just thicker than others and once you have kids, there’s nothing you can do about it.’ Obviously, I understand now that those beliefs are just not true and merely excuses for someone who doesn’t want to do anything about it.
Two things will really help you with weightloss: planning and discipline. Motivation comes and goes, but discipline means being in control. My tip is to know your goal and make sure it is obtainable and realistic. When you plan for a week at a time, it seems less daunting and overwhelming. You are capable of losing weight safely and successfully with hard work and a positive mindset.
Related article: Lazy Girl Meal Prep
I am too busy
Look, we’re all busy. Every single one of us has more going on than we should and it can be difficult to balance. However, a lot of it is perspective. Maybe a little time management, or some simple organization could help. Think of it like your daily affirmations; what you continue to tell yourself over and over again you will begin to believe.
Are you really too busy to play with your children? Or do you just have laundry and dishes piling up from the weekend?
Are you really too busy to give your mom a call at the end of the day to check in? Or do you just want that 10 minutes of time for yourself?
Are you really too busy meet your friend for dinner? Or would you rather catch up on DVR?
Do you get what I’m saying? These are all excuses. When you actually want to do something, you will. You make time for the people and the things that are important to you. You are not too busy, you just don’t want to, so don’t lie to yourself about it.
Let me say that I do not think we tell ourselves this lie out of malice, or to be cruel to others. I truly believe that we have told ourselves that we are just too busy to cram anything else into our calendar and after a while, we believe it.
Try this free downloadable daily planner to help you with your daily to-dos and goals.
I’ll never be loved
Again, enough with the limiting beliefs. You must first love yourself before you can truly love others and have that reciprocated. So the question is, what is it that is holding you back from seeing your worth? This is the perfect opportunity for you to dive into a bible study with friends, or commit to daily devotionals. I would even encourage you to do a simple self-love challenge.
That past relationship that went south doesn’t define you. The relationship you had with your parents growing up, it doesn’t define you. It’s part of your story, but the future and what comes next, is up to you.
By revisiting old wounds, you remain trapped in the past and unable to make progress. It can be difficult to move on and feel like you will come out on top, but I want you to know that God has a plan for you. You do not have to understand God’s plan to trust its purpose. You just have to believe.
Things will never change
You are only right if you don’t make the effort to change. Like with many obstacles to overcome, you should set a goal and then identify actionable steps to move closer toward that goal. Map it out if necessary and post it on your vision board. When you see it first thing in the morning, you will be more likely to follow through. Share your goal and your thoughts with someone else so they can help to hold you accountable. Failure is one thing if we are the only ones who know about it, but when you have to answer to a friend, it changes the game a bit.
Change is hard because we are often scared of what might come from that change. I will admit, I am a creature of habit. I don’t love change and I am not spontaneous. So for me, change does not come easily. Luckily, I am married to a man who is my polar opposite, so he pushes boundaries and can help me to step out of my comfort zone a bit. Find a friend or family member who has your back, someone who will not judge you and will take that next step with you.
That’s not meant for me, she’s better at it
Excuse me while I roll my eyes real quick.
I could easily write this entire section in all caps, but that would be rude.
Ladies. Quit comparing yourself to other women. Hear me when I tell you it does not benefit you and it will steal your joy.
Unfortunately, a lot of this belief that we must compare ourselves to others comes from everyday situations, even as children. At school, our children’s behaviors are marked by colors and displayed in front of the entire class. Someone will always be the better athlete and get the trophy. And that promotion at work, forget about it because she already earned it. This does not mean that you do not measure up, or that you are less-than. Everyone has a different journey, and just because now isn’t your time, doesn’t mean that tomorrow won’t be.
There is so much joy in the journey and that is what we often forget. We don’t know how long it took someone to earn their raise, or to lose 20 pounds, and we especially don’t know or understand the struggles they faced while pursuing those goals. Not everyone is great at everything, and that’s just part of life. As an adult, what kind of example are we setting for our children if we are always playing the ‘what if’ game and cannot allow ourselves to be content with what we have and who we are?
I would encourage you to find your passion, set some goals and take the necessary actionable steps to get there. Don’t forget to set a deadline for yourself in order to create some sense of urgency!
I’m failing as a parent/I’m not a good mom
We’ve all been there as parents. I have felt this way too many times to count and can even acknowledge that it is a completely false and irrational notion.
We put this unreasonable expectation on ourselves to only, once again, limit our beliefs in our own actions and abilities. Days with children are long and exhausting, but they are also rewarding and humbling.
It is so important that you remember you were chosen to parent your child and no one can do that better than you. It is likely one of the most challenging and important roles you will ever carry and that is where the worry and guilt falls into place.
Seek out mom groups or bible study groups that can encourage you and lift you up as a parent. When you spend time with other moms, you will quickly see that you are not the only one who cannot convince your child to eat their lunch, and your child isn’t the only one who has bitten or pinched at daycare, and potty training – yep, other parents have kids who would only poop their pants. There’s strength in numbers and those words of encouragement from other moms like you will go a very long way.
I hope you remember that you don’t always have to have it all together. You are allowed to be a mess, to screw up, and to have bad days. You are still an amazing mom.
Can we all agree that it’s time to be kinder to ourselves and to accept what we are unable to change but to take the necessary steps to change what we can?
Are you guilty of telling yourself any of these lies? When you catch yourself in this vicious cycle, how do you take a step back?